Independence

This song pretty much describes how I feel right now... so I am going to let it do all the talking. Songs are great for that aren't they? It's been quite the week and I don't think I have ever been more excited to get on a plane and go. Here's to independence.

"Independence" by The Band Perry

Patient anticipation
Up till now I've been hurry up and waiting
At a bus stop in independence licking an ice cream cone
I've been kicking I've been scheming
This is as close as I've been to leaving
Five blocks away, a stone's throw away from home
but I'm as good as gone

I gotta get gone, gone, gone
shooting like a gun, a gun, a gun
skipping like stone, stone, stone
Far as I can run to where freedom is free
There's a road like a long gray ribbon far as I can see
And it's pulling independence out of me

Emancipation or paper chasing
Leaving with question marks and Momma's blessing
I put her picture in my pocket along with her rosary
Some say I'm crazy, a little loco
and most of my friends will live and die in this zip code
It might be for me but until I go
How am I ever supposed to know?

I gotta get gone, gone, gone
shooting like a gun, a gun, a gun
skipping like stone, stone, stone
Far as I can run to where freedom is free
There's a road like a long gray ribbon far as I can see
There's a road like a long gray ribbon far as I can see
And it's pulling independence out of me.
Independence.

P.s. Oh my, oh my. Only one more day left in the States! How freaking amazing!

So Long, Farewell, Auf Weidersehen, Goodbye

Friday was my goodbye party. And I leave in five days. So goodbyes are on the brain. Me leaving hasn't really hit me yet. There have been many mini realization moments the last couple days though. It won't hit me until I get on the plane and find myself all alone embarking on the biggest adventure of my life. Only then I will proceed to ball my eyes out, all while sitting next to two complete strangers who are looking at me like I am crazy/they kind of want to give me a hug (Yes. This has happened before...).

So. The party. The lovely John and Rebecca Douglas (people I babysit for) were super gracious and let me use their home as the location of my party. They even provided utensils and plates and super cute decorations. I was so blessed by their hospitality and love!

The plan was just to have people come over, hang out, and eat appetizers and desserts from about 7 to 10:30 pm. (It was a potluck). Also, you were to dress up as something European. I was Maria from The Sound of Music, which was very fitting I think. As usual, everyone was late (and I have no right to complain since I am late to everything). But once people got there it was a good time.

It was really nice hanging out with my friends. It's really hard to think that people so dear to me while soon be very far from me. I know that they won't drop off the face of the earth, but there is something about actually getting to hug and talk to a person face-to-face.

The whole evening was a lot of chaotic chattering (even some arm wrestling). I love parties, but I tend to get overwhelmed by them. Especially if I am the center of attention. Control freak me goes into hyperactive host mode and becomes deeply worried that no one is having fun (and the thoughts spiral from there). I dealt with this last night, but I think I did a pretty good job of brushing it off and enjoying myself.

My two favorite parts of the evening were pictures and passing around my address book and autograph book.

 Pictures of course are like my favorite thing to do ever. I just love them. There is something so magical about being able to capture a memory forever.

My Papa & Granny.

Some of the group hanging around the dining room table.

Jarae and I being ridiculously awkward and classy.

Megan and I.

Me and Mike.

Saying goodbye out in the front yard.

 The address book was my way of making sure I got people's addresses and E-mails. I want to be able to send letters and E-mails to all my friends! You know me, I love to communicate.

The autograph book was my grandma's idea. She thought it would be cute to have all my friends write me notes that I could read whenever I was feeling a little homesick. Genius! So during my last week of Disneyland (my pass expired Friday) I went and got an autograph book (the ones you use for Disney characters to sign) and a really cute Minnie Mouse pen. At the party everyone passed it around and left me notes. Everyone seemed to have fun doing so.

This is the autograph book I got!

I plan on carrying my address book and the autograph book around the next four days to make sure that my friends who couldn't come to the party are able to participate.

The party just really reminded me how much God has blessed me the past couple of years (and my whole life). I may wish for things to be different, but at the same time I wouldn't change anything. The community I have found myself surrounded by has been so important in shaping who I am. I love my life even though it has it's faults. As I step forward to a new adventure, I know I have the backing of all the people that helped me get where I am today. And even if they are going to be more than 5,000 miles away, I find that thought really comforting.

P.S. Thank you to everyone who came to my party! I love you all so much!

Seven Days

I woke up this morning acutely aware that in exactly one week I would wake up and be getting on a plane for Germany. That's really crazy. I have similar countdown moments for vacations, but this is different. I won't be spending two weeks somewhere; I am spending a year in Germany. This is one of those moments when I see God's hand clearly acting in my life and it's thrilling and scary all at once. Seven more days until I begin on a journey that quite possibly could change the course of my life forever. My faith must be bigger than my fears.

Since I leave in seven days, I thought I would give the seven most popular thoughts on my mind. So here they are:

1. I have to look cute for the plane! But wait I want to be comfortable too. But I can't look like a bum meeting my German family for the first time! Ahhhh.
2. There is so much crap for me still to do. But is there really that much for me to do? Or am I just being crazy?! I don't know. Raaaawwwr.
3. Oh my gawsh my room is a mess! I need to deal with the rest of my packing. Like yesterday.
4. I have like no shoes. Why do I have so many freaking flip flops?! I am so a So Cal girl.
5. My Disneyland pass expires on Friday. This is probably the most depressing ever to happen in world history. Eight years of continuous passholding will be finished.
6. How am I going to hang out with everyone I need to hang out with?! I need more time to fit them all in!
7. I am seriously screwed over by suitcase weight limits. There is no way all my stuff is going to fit into two suitcases and a backpack.

Most of all I am just so darn excited! And nervous. This is going to be one heck of an adventure.

P.S. Someone (you know who you are Wisdom) said that I was quite the epic blogger, implying that I write about as much as I talk. Which is a lot. This blog was short so HA ;)

The Tale of the White Hangers

I am a very organized person. I have been since a very young age. It was when the teenage years happened upon my life that I gained a propensity to be very sloppy. One day I would go into an intense cleaning frenzy and organize my whole room. Within a week or two it had magically become a pig stye. But within a couple days I would hit a need to clean and the room would be clean again. I am sure many of you are familiar with this pattern, but not to the magnitude that is my ridiculousness. Organization and messiness always play on a fine line not only within my room, but in my life.

Life is messy. It is like a plate of spaghetti and you are a white shirt. You are doomed to get spaghetti sauce on you. (I am the queen of spilling things upon myself so this works literally and figuratively for me haha). My life has been anything and everything but organized. Spaghetti sauce aplenty. I am quite the stubborn control freak because of this. I like all my ducks in a row. (Analogies are just too good to pass up!) God has really hit me hard in this area, continually  reminding me that life is not mine to control. It's a hard lesson for me to try and learn.

Organization is one of the symptoms of my control freak nature. Now, organization is a really awesome part of my personality, and I love it. So don't think I'm hating on organization. But I can take it out of hand sometimes, which isn't so great.

This past week has had me experiencing some major frustration linked to organization and control. I have been on a control freak cleaning spree as I have been packing for Germany. It's been quite fun boxing things up and squaring things away. But there are the things that I can't quite square away till late next week. And there have been some things I have been avoiding that need to be dealt with before late next week comes around. These are the things that I have just been making me twitch with extreme nagging frustration.

It started with the pile of random things that might come with me. Then the mini piles of things that need to get dealt with before I go (like scanning up some pictures, backing up my hard drive, etc). Then the list of people I need to call and all the things that go along with those calls (like making a eye doctor appointment). Then it was the clothes.

Every single one of these hangers held clothing...

Gaah. Clothes. I am so addicted. It's a kinda pathetic how many I have. My love of clothes extends to accessories like shoes, scarves, and hats. This combined with the control freak in me creates a monster. An over packing monster.

Every single trip I have go on I think of every possible possibility:
1. Weather situtations: "Well we are going to Hawaii, buuuut it might get cold! I better bring a sweatshirt. But how can I choose just one? I guess I will bring the three cutest ones!"
2. Activity situations: "I know I am not going to exercise while we are in Oregon, but I will totally be prepared if we do. And I will totally impress my parents."
3. Accident situations: "What if they don't have a washer/dryer at this hotel?! I have to bring at least five extra pairs of jeans, because I most definitely will spill something on them at one point in time."
4. Nothing to wear situations: "Ohmygawsh. I definitely can't survive this weekend trip without at least eight or nine shirts, five or six jackets, like four pairs of jeans, three leggings..."

Yes. I am beyond ridiculous. But that is just a glimpse into my chaotic brain...

I freak out and over pack for a weekend trip. So you can imagine how nuts I have been while trying to pack for a year long trip. I have been trying my best to be super super super rational.

Here is what I have been keeping in mind:
1. My airline (like most) has a weight limit on bags. And there is a fatty fee if I go over 50 pounds for my check-in or over 40 pounds for my carry-on's.
2. German style is totally different than my Southern Cali beach hippie vintage cutesy look.
3. German weather is way different than Southern California's.
4. I will be buying clothes in Germany to fit their style and weather.
5. I need to pack things that will layer well and that are basic clothes (jeans, shirts, pull over sweatshirts, etc)

This has been quite difficult for me. I am at the point where I have gone through most of my clothes and seperated them between "things I definitely don't need" and "well this might come along/I still need clothes to wear the next ten days in California." It is the latter pile that causes me the most distress along with pile of miscellaneous things that might come with me as well.

My closet full of clothes (I have a dresser full too)

My closet with only maybes/need to wear left.

Why does it distress me? Well let's just say that I think my toiletries, accessories, DVDs, school books, and random other such things are going to make the weight limit on my suitcases before I even have a chance to add clothes in the bag. And I'm pretty sure at this point that I have too large of a pile to fit in my suitcase anyways. Pathetic.

But it's not just this clothes packing that irks me. Its the fact that my room is full of incomplete projects. I don't like incomplete projects. They nag at my very insides (it gives me a stomach ache just thinking about all this). I love the feeling of completeness. Disaster and chaos reign at the moment, and that is enough to make my organizational control freak have a heart attack.

I just can't wait for all these tasks to be finished. But that takes time. And I don't have much time, I need more time if anything. I have ten days to get a lot of pre-leaving stuff done. But also want to enjoy my last days in the States by hanging out with my friends and family. And I have to do a pile of homework to do too. I need to find balance. I need God to be in control. Because as usual I am not equipped for holding the whole world on my shoulders. But man do I try.

I Think We Need More Magnets

I live with my grandparents. And might I say, we are quite the trio. Life is never dull in my house.

About a year ago I purchased a mini whiteboard for our fridge. This was to be a quick and easy way for us to leave notes for each other. It has been quite the success! Recently I've been writing things in German so they can try and guess what I wrote. It's a fun way to share my learning with them. This whiteboard is actually one of the highlights of my two and half years of living with them. We have really bonded over this!

My darling grandma made a couple requests last week in the form of a wishlist on the whiteboard. I laughed and told her I would get to it. Finally, this week I was able to put the time an effort into fulfilling her wishes. Here's the note she left and my response:

As you can see my gram wants to know the ins and outs of what my life will be like in Germany, and I am delighted to provide information! It is going to be fun writing her letters while I am gone.

Now granny only expected me to print out things and plop them on the fridge. I, being me, had to go over and above expectations and create a fabulous display of art on the fridge. I dearly love displaying my art in the ultimate art gallery! I mean what person doesn't?! Oh that's right, the boring people...

I got nifty with construction paper, tape, and magnets; and here is my lovely creation:

Delightful interpretation of my brain? Yes. Although my brain is like fifty million times more organized and chaotic than this (yes, that sentence should make no sense to you haha).

Grandma was stunned to say the least. She loves it of course. She doesn't like my ironic placement of certain magnets though (I love that she noticed my detail work hehe). I told her we needed more magnets, I was working with such a small amount to keep up so much! Gran wants me to pick out some when I go to Disneyland next, which I most definitely will do.

It's starting to really dawn on me how soon I will be leaving, and how much I will miss the everyday life that I so take for granted. I love bantering with my gma over ridiculous things like magnet placement.

I won't be taking these last fourteen days for granted. Many more magnet conversations are to come, I'm sure of it.

Two Weeks Notice

This is my two weeks notice America! We shall be parting ways for a year in just fourteen days. It's not that it hasn't been a good twenty years, I just need to get out and explore my potential. So we cool?

Back at the end of July I turned in my two weeks notice for my job at The Children's Place. After working for them for over a year it was so surreal to quit (and I must say, quite empowering too). I was so grateful to be able to work and support myself, so it felt a little crazy to give up a job at the beginning of August when I wouldn't be leaving for my new job till the end of September. But I knew I needed the time to prep for my trip and to enjoy my last few weeks in the states.

It's so strange to think that I am giving my two weeks notice in a sense to America. I have enjoyed my time, but I'm off to bigger and better things (a.k.a. Euroooope!). Of course I will be back, so it's more like temporary leave or something, but you get the picture.

You are probably asking how the procrastination coming along? Well I am doing fabulous in some ways, and not so great in others.

On the bright side, I am almost done packing up all the stuff I won't be taking with me to Germany. I just have to sort through and pack up my clothes now. Then I can move on to the task of packing what I am actually taking into my suitcases. Which is going to be quite the effort since I am an over packer extraordinaire.

On the doom side, I have so much left to do. My grandma's well intentioned nagging is only adding to my stress. Because, oh so typical, she is right. She knows time is of the essence and I'm kinda just frolicking about/running around screaming. The things on the "nag list" definitely have to be dealt with pronto. Then I can get onto other random things on my to do list.

What's on the "nag list" you ask? Well 1. my car getting stored 2. calling my mother and getting my stuff that's still at her house 3. dealing with my ticket (apparently cops don't appreciate California rolls...). All of these involve talking on the phone, thus why I haven't jumped up and down with excitement at the thought of dealing with these three things. But they must get done! And they will.

So things are on their way forward. I have no doubt I will be ready come the 29th. It just may be that I am ready literally 5 seconds before we drive to LAX. But ready is ready. Right?

The Queen of Procrastination

Hi I'm Ashley and I'm a procrastinator. (insert support group applause. Kidding!)

I am a terrible procrastinator, and I know it. My poor family and friends have had to deal with my antics for the last 20 years, sorry guys! Its been a slow and steady decline since childhood. Yes, I have gotten better at some areas of doing things and getting places on time, but for the majority I am terrible. I mean, everyone has come to expect me to be fifteen minutes late. To everything. That's just so pathetic.

What can I say? I run on my own internal clock. The time space continuum means very little to my brain. I do try my best, but I'm just about as distractable as a hyperactive puppy. I'm on task and then boom! I am off doing something else. Or my famous last words are uttered: "I still have 15 minutes!" Or even more famous last words: "I will do it tomorrow."

Procrastination is something that I have long come to accept about myself. I even get an adrenaline high writing a paper an hour before it's due or driving like a madwoman because I have five minutes to get somewhere. But now that I am older I have come to realize I real need to change this aspect of me.

Being in college has really whooped my butt (in more ways than one). In Elementary school, Jr. High, and High School it's amazing how easily I could get away with procrastination. Being smart and sweet, I was well loved and trusted by my teachers (never had a teacher that didn't like me!). That paired with my love of doing things at the last minute fostered my crazy procrastination skills into what they are today.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am no slacker. I am really crazy hard worker and I love to learn. School is lovely! It's my deep love of feeling ridiculous accomplished when I get something done at the last minute that is the problem. Also I know that I often get some of my best work done at the last minute. (And I will let you in on a secret... I absolutely hate being early. I find it uncomfortable and embarrassing. Ridiculous? Yes). I tend to be an over thinker, and that can really mess with things. Examples? Writing a ten page paper when it's supposed to be six max because I just can't cut out anything. Packing about three months of clothes for a two week vacation. Yeah, I am one of THOSE people at the airport.

College brought to my attention that I could no longer procrastinate the way I used to (only took me two years to realize it. Stubborn? Me?? Pff as if haha). More time needs to be spent on my homework and studying. I have had to learn some intense lessons. There is nothing like a zero in the gradebook to kill your grade. And I take my grades pretty darn seriously. So doing terrible last semester was a horrible blow to my pride. But it definitely made me readjust and realize that I couldn't just cruise through school and homework like I used to.

So I took a small step in the right direction this Summer when I worked my butt off in my German class, learned a lot, and then ended up getting a great grade. This semester is going to require even more discipline from myself since I have three classes which are online. I have been doing really well so far. I definitely am up to my eyeballs in work, but it's so worth it. I am getting things done on time (and even some things early, I know *gasp!*)

This is how my attitude needs to be with school from now on. No, school is not the most important thing in my life and I should not let it consume me. But I am presented with the amazing blessing to go to college and pursue my dreams, and I shouldn't take that for granted.

Now I am sure you are wondering, "What on earth does this have to do with Germany? This is your Germany blog Ashley, I am not here to listen to you ramble!" Well it has a lot to do with Germany, thank you very much!

I'm sure you have heard that the Germans are quite punctual. It's like God thought: "Let's send her to Germany! She will learn to be punctual there or else!" I'm sure he is having quite the giggle about this. I may look German with my blonde hair, blue eyes, and fair complexion; but the instant I do anything or say anything, my every pore in my body will scream "I'm an American!" I'm okay with that, and not at the same time (I hate being considered a tourist when I go on vacation... that's a story for another blog post though).

I have decided God knew (as usual) that this was exactly what I needed. I need to deal with procrastination. And not just on a school level, but on an everything level. No more being late places, turning things in late, waiting to the last second to complete a responsibility or errand... the list goes on. No more!

A couple months ago my dad suggested I make a list of things I want to work on about myself while I am in Germany. He said this is a once in a lifetime chance to really see myself and then acknowledge that I can't change everything I find unsatisfactory, but pick a few to try and work on. God working on my heart being a major factor here. Of course I needing to be open to change is key as well. So I have made a list. I have a few things, it's not quite the official list yet. But I do know one thing I am for sure working on: Procrastinating. Might as well call me "that punctual girl over there" instead of "that extremely late chick at the back of the room." Be prepared to be amazed when I get back to the states!