The Tale of the White Hangers

I am a very organized person. I have been since a very young age. It was when the teenage years happened upon my life that I gained a propensity to be very sloppy. One day I would go into an intense cleaning frenzy and organize my whole room. Within a week or two it had magically become a pig stye. But within a couple days I would hit a need to clean and the room would be clean again. I am sure many of you are familiar with this pattern, but not to the magnitude that is my ridiculousness. Organization and messiness always play on a fine line not only within my room, but in my life.

Life is messy. It is like a plate of spaghetti and you are a white shirt. You are doomed to get spaghetti sauce on you. (I am the queen of spilling things upon myself so this works literally and figuratively for me haha). My life has been anything and everything but organized. Spaghetti sauce aplenty. I am quite the stubborn control freak because of this. I like all my ducks in a row. (Analogies are just too good to pass up!) God has really hit me hard in this area, continually  reminding me that life is not mine to control. It's a hard lesson for me to try and learn.

Organization is one of the symptoms of my control freak nature. Now, organization is a really awesome part of my personality, and I love it. So don't think I'm hating on organization. But I can take it out of hand sometimes, which isn't so great.

This past week has had me experiencing some major frustration linked to organization and control. I have been on a control freak cleaning spree as I have been packing for Germany. It's been quite fun boxing things up and squaring things away. But there are the things that I can't quite square away till late next week. And there have been some things I have been avoiding that need to be dealt with before late next week comes around. These are the things that I have just been making me twitch with extreme nagging frustration.

It started with the pile of random things that might come with me. Then the mini piles of things that need to get dealt with before I go (like scanning up some pictures, backing up my hard drive, etc). Then the list of people I need to call and all the things that go along with those calls (like making a eye doctor appointment). Then it was the clothes.

Every single one of these hangers held clothing...

Gaah. Clothes. I am so addicted. It's a kinda pathetic how many I have. My love of clothes extends to accessories like shoes, scarves, and hats. This combined with the control freak in me creates a monster. An over packing monster.

Every single trip I have go on I think of every possible possibility:
1. Weather situtations: "Well we are going to Hawaii, buuuut it might get cold! I better bring a sweatshirt. But how can I choose just one? I guess I will bring the three cutest ones!"
2. Activity situations: "I know I am not going to exercise while we are in Oregon, but I will totally be prepared if we do. And I will totally impress my parents."
3. Accident situations: "What if they don't have a washer/dryer at this hotel?! I have to bring at least five extra pairs of jeans, because I most definitely will spill something on them at one point in time."
4. Nothing to wear situations: "Ohmygawsh. I definitely can't survive this weekend trip without at least eight or nine shirts, five or six jackets, like four pairs of jeans, three leggings..."

Yes. I am beyond ridiculous. But that is just a glimpse into my chaotic brain...

I freak out and over pack for a weekend trip. So you can imagine how nuts I have been while trying to pack for a year long trip. I have been trying my best to be super super super rational.

Here is what I have been keeping in mind:
1. My airline (like most) has a weight limit on bags. And there is a fatty fee if I go over 50 pounds for my check-in or over 40 pounds for my carry-on's.
2. German style is totally different than my Southern Cali beach hippie vintage cutesy look.
3. German weather is way different than Southern California's.
4. I will be buying clothes in Germany to fit their style and weather.
5. I need to pack things that will layer well and that are basic clothes (jeans, shirts, pull over sweatshirts, etc)

This has been quite difficult for me. I am at the point where I have gone through most of my clothes and seperated them between "things I definitely don't need" and "well this might come along/I still need clothes to wear the next ten days in California." It is the latter pile that causes me the most distress along with pile of miscellaneous things that might come with me as well.

My closet full of clothes (I have a dresser full too)

My closet with only maybes/need to wear left.

Why does it distress me? Well let's just say that I think my toiletries, accessories, DVDs, school books, and random other such things are going to make the weight limit on my suitcases before I even have a chance to add clothes in the bag. And I'm pretty sure at this point that I have too large of a pile to fit in my suitcase anyways. Pathetic.

But it's not just this clothes packing that irks me. Its the fact that my room is full of incomplete projects. I don't like incomplete projects. They nag at my very insides (it gives me a stomach ache just thinking about all this). I love the feeling of completeness. Disaster and chaos reign at the moment, and that is enough to make my organizational control freak have a heart attack.

I just can't wait for all these tasks to be finished. But that takes time. And I don't have much time, I need more time if anything. I have ten days to get a lot of pre-leaving stuff done. But also want to enjoy my last days in the States by hanging out with my friends and family. And I have to do a pile of homework to do too. I need to find balance. I need God to be in control. Because as usual I am not equipped for holding the whole world on my shoulders. But man do I try.